The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
