i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
