"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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