you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
