I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
