Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
