I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
