wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
