I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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