so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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