Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
