apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
