He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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