Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize