but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
