He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize