I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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