Umm I'm too high to move.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize