These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
