apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
