After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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