these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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