Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
