Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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