I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
