This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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