dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
