i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
