are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
