He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
