Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
