I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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