Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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