i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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