I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
