Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
