Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
