You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
