guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
