just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
