If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
