is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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