sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize