Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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