I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
