big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He kissed a someone with a penis
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
