If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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