Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
