Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
