I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
