my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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