I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
