Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize