Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
