Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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