He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
