my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
