Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
