the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
