Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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