Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
