I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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