Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just want nice things and good sex
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
