I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
