Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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