he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
