She announced her abortion via fbk
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
