I love black thongs
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize