we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
