Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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