I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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