I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We left the knife in your bed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
