I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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